Smart. Things.

Smart things. 

They're everywhere. 

Smart watches, smart televisions, smart cars.

They can tell you about your heart health, how well you slept (or didn't), the best way to get from point A to point B, and how long it will take to get there.  They can even tell you when you're running out of milk, bread, toilet paper, and kitty litter. 

Marvelous gadgets. 

But sometimes you have to wonder what thought processes went into designing these things. 

Take our clothes dryer for instance.  As I was walking past it the other day, it suddenly struck me as odd that we have a "Wrinkle Prevent" setting and a "Wrinkle Release" setting.  Now I've been walking past this thing at least twice a day for the past ten years, so you might ask why it took me so long to think about this, so in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that I rarely do laundry.  And by rarely, I mean never, due to the fact that on the few occasions when I have ventured to suggest I do so, I have been told in no uncertain terms that I most assuredly would do it incorrectly. 

I've learned to choose my battles carefully in such matters. 

But back to our dryer. 

I'm wondering why I need wrinkle release if I have wrinkle prevent.  Maybe in case I forget to hit wrinkle prevent.  But for that matter, why not build wrinkle prevention right into the drying cycle?  I don't know. 

Maybe there was a design meeting at some point where a bright young engineer said he could build a dryer that prevented wrinkles while it dried, and then some crusty old executive said, "Hold on there, son; I, for one, like the occasional wrinkle in my boxers.  We better make that an optional feature."  Then I suppose the bean counters and marketing people got involved, cheerfully calculating how much more they could charge us for TWO wrinkle buttons. 

I'm also a bit flummoxed by the multiple drying levels.  We've got "Normal Dry", which I'd think would be the gold standard for dryness.  But we've also got "More Dry", and "Very Dry".  I'm not quite clear on how something can be more dry than dry.  Isn't the very definition of dry, well…dry?  And "Very Dry" suggests that I wouldn't want to stand too close to a candle wearing that very dry shirt.  There's also "Damp Dry", an oxymoron if ever there was one.  It's dry…but it's damp.  Sounds like a violation of the laws of physics to me. 

Finally, we have "Manual Dry".  What is that?  Do I have to stand there and turn the dryer drum myself?  I don't see a crank handle on this thing. 

And don't get me started on the washing machine.  There's a light-up indicator on there that says "Clean Washer". 

That sounds like a practical joke.  This appliance, whose sole purpose in life is to clean things…I have to clean that? 

I don't know. 

Smart things.