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If there was one thing I could look back on boastfully, as a youth, it is that I tended to follow the advice of adults. “Don’t smoke,” they said, “nor drink or use drugs.” As this all made good sense, I chose to follow. And I still do. There was some additional wisdom being imparted, on a regular basis, that I found more difficult. On countless occasions my father could be seen drinking beer and smoking cigarettes with the likes of Bob Taylor or Butch Hubbard, talking about the “good old days” of their teens and early twenties. I was warned to make the most of them; I could have used further detail! I understood, at some level, what they were saying. But just how does one slow down time? You may tire of reading my trials on that subject. Now that I’m the age those fellas were back then, the best I can say is that you cram in as many experiences as you can, spend as many hours with friends as possible, and avoid things such as sleeping for twelve hours per day or hanging out alone in front of the tube. I’ll admit to a bit too much of each of those activities.
Since I don’t have children, and my nieces and nephew don’t exactly hang on my every word, I have to resort to the press to offer my own brand of advice to the up-and-coming generations. There is one grand idea I’ve cooked up, a life plan if you will; I admit that, were it presented to me at the age of 18, I wouldn’t have had the nerve to follow it. Regardless, hear me out. I don’t think it’s the nuttiest thing anyone has suggested:
For the next 50 years, once a year, you should pack up all your belongings...and move to another state. The exact date doesn’t matter, but it should be the same each year. January 1, your birthday, Independence Day? You pick. Now, assuming you’re reading this article in the Caroline Review, you have probably lived in Maryland for at least a year. That means you already have your first state behind you; see, it’s getting easier all the time!
No, you can’t just move to Delaware, then New Jersey. No, you need to be dramatic! Next stop: North Dakota. I’d suggest somewhere up near the Canadian border. Follow that with, oh, how about Arizona? Hop from there to Rhode Island, then Oklahoma, followed by perhaps Washington state. It should be more than just state-hopping, though. You’ve lived in a red county within a blue state; let’s see you do the opposite. At some point you should live in a big city in a rural state, a metropolis in a blue state, and a place 2 hours from the nearest Walmart.
The point of all this would be to experience all that America has to offer, to meet as diverse a group as possible, and to be able to look back with a real sense of accomplishment. Drawbacks? Well, certainly. Lasting friendships would certainly prove a challenge, as might finding the right person to tag along on your decades long journey. But, when you finally reached that final state (be it Connecticut, Hawaii or Alabama) you will be ready to retire and have a fantastic story to tell. It is my sincere hope that when you reach your final destination you will drop me a postcard. I’m not sure where I’ll be; I do ask that you write in big, bold letters as this author will, at that point, be 104 years old. I am quite positive that hearing from you will make my day. In a way, offering up this advice is similar to opening a savings account. I love getting mail, so someday I hope to get paid back for this month’s article!
So, there it is: free advice, and I’d say, very good advice at that! Why are you waiting around? Get packing!
